Sunday, December 6, 2009


If you are not currently living under a rock,
you have heard of the Christmas insanity that is the Zhu Zhu pets.  My daughters are 7 and 9 and love little Mr. Squiggles and Chunk like they have a heart beat.  Santa has worked very hard to secure all 4 Zhu Zhu hamsters, the fun house, the exercise wheel (because fake hamsters need  to stay in shape) and their cute little car (because fake hamsters gotta get where they are going in style) all at regular prices.  Maybe the people who are questioning the safety of the Zhu Zhu's don't realize that the crazy lady living inside of me and her insane mother stood in line at Walmart at the wee hours of the morning on various occasions over the course of the last 3 months to get the secret code whispered to us and signaled to some remote location of the store (i.e. the tire section) to give the secret code to the random associate who pretends to not know what is going on so that she will tell us what register to go to and repeat the secret code yet again so that the check out lady (who are always so super friendly at Walmart)  will reluctantly break out her stash underneath her register and against her wishes let us choose what we want.  They act like this is the Amazing Race and we are competing against 10 other teams to win a million dollars.  No Walmart, that is where you are wrong.  In actuality it is so much more difficult to compete against moms crazier than you are for the rat on wheels that everyone's kid is dying to have.  

After all of our searching and going to Walmart at midnight to be there when the truck arrives. And, after many times of leaving empty-handed, finally getting every piece available with the pride of NOT succumbing to the price gouging Ebenezer Scrooge Amazon Christmas Ruiners...SOMEBODY WANTS TO THROW THE BIG WORD "TOXIC" IN THE MIX!  Oh I don't think so.

What is a mom to do??  What is a MOM TO DO I ask you Mr. Zhu Zhu's nose has high levels of antimony that could cause cancer RECALL man???  Don't you realize that this is ALL my children want for Christmas and we are 3 weeks away from the big morning and you want to go and do this to Santa??  How dare you??? You should be ashamed, sir, yes you should.

Not to worry though.  I have a plan.  I am going to put one of the toxic little rodents on the floor after the kids go to school and encourage my annoying little dog that won't stop using the bathroom in my closet and chewing my sheets to see how fun it is to play with.  After she completely tears it up and eats it all (because that is what she does) we will soon see if Mr. Squiggles is toxic.  Sound harsh??  Come on we have to take one for the team.  3 Zhu Zhu's are better than no Zhu Zhu's right??  Oh, you thought I was talking about the dog?  Well, certainly it won't kill the little darling sweet heart doggie will it??? {wink wink}  Then once I know the coast is clear I will put all of the other little 4 wheeled critters in hazardous material storage containers and store them away until I can safely invent Zhu Zhu gloves which I will quickly sell in my Etsy store only to good mommies and NOT to any Christmas ruining monopoly like Walmart or Toys R Us or Amazon.  And now that our little babes will be safe I will hurry fast as lightening and put the little furry friends under the Christmas tree and let Santa do his job.  Then I will enjoy every bit of joy on my children's faces on Christmas morning for all of 2 seconds before I have to say, "But wait honey, no don't touch Num Nums, here let mommy help you.  Here is your Zhu Zhu gloves, your Zhu Zhu mask, your Zhu Zhu oxygen suit up and then you can give cute little Mr. Squiggles a pet or two but don't kiss him.  Now go wash your hands...these things cause cancer you know."  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!  {Ahhh...just like the Cleavers.}

And while that seems like a pretty good plan if you ask me...I just can't make myself do it.  While that darn dog is so annoying, she is also stinking cute, and I would never want to harm her with a toxic rat (so don't judge me people).  And while I would love to say that I am still going to give these little toxic buddies to my girls for Christmas, the reality is...I just don't think I can.  I don't want to look back 10 years from wondering it the toxic hamsters have affected my children.  No thank you Mr. Zhu Zhu.  So, once I know (and only when I know for sure that they in fact are deadly) I will promptly return all of my hard earned rodents back to the Scrooge land from whence they came and demand a full refund (unless they want me to touch them with Mr. Squiggles' toxic nose) and then I will send a letter to Mr. Christmas Ruiner Recall Man because deep down I am convinced that this recall is nothing more than a desperate tactic by a person who can't seem to secure one for his own child and someone is a sour grape.  So to you Mr. Recall Man, I say, "Don't get mad and ruin everyone else's Christmas just because you don't have Num Nums and his quick and speedy car under your tree this year.  Bah- Humbug!"

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