12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know - Chapter 4

Can Our Kids Make It On Their Own? That is the title of Chapter 4 and what we all really want to know right? Dr. Borba quotes Mel Levine, author of Ready or Not, Here Life Comes. He says, "These parents are trying to create a really terrific statue of a child rather than a child." And he is right! Once we do all that we are going to do for our kids, and they are ready to meet the world...what happens?? What happens to these little statues that we have molded into exactly what WE think they should be?? Well, it certainly doesn't seem good. Right now there are studies being conducted on college grads to see how well they are doing now that they are out of the nest, and it seems that they are having lots of trouble. As loved and pampered and well educated as they are, they seem to be living in Peter Pan Land. You know where you never have to grow up? And we all know those folks don't we? They 35 year old that still goes to the bars with commitment phobia like you have never seen. The 28 year old that still lives at home. The 23 year old that won't go to college, won't get a job, and is bleeding her parents dry all while dragging them into the nut house. So, Dr. Borba asks, What went wrong? Could all that immediate gratification have backfired? Too many unearned trophies? Too many carpools? Did we raise our kids with such high expectations that now it's hard for them to get things just right? Did we micromanage their lives so well that now they can't live on their own? We can hypothesize and theorize ourselves to death, but the fact remains that a whopping 36% of today's college graduates readily admit they're not ready for careers. (p. 46) So Do Our Kids Live Happily Ever After, or What? That's what we all want to know isn't it? And I am just going to quote the book on this because it really explains it so well. Here is what Dr. Borba says, So the hurried children grew up. Many appear to have immature coping skills, they're often stressed, anxious, or depressed, and may even lack a spirit or tough inner moral core. Researchers point out that the critical piece called character - integrity and ethics - seems also to be somehow amiss in this breed. And self-reliance - a quiet, inner confidence, the skills to bounce back and or make tough decisions alone - appears weak as well. The reality is that too many of these hurried kids are struggling as adults. They're smart, but they are also sad, anxious, and unfulfilled. But it doesn't have to be like this. In fact, our kids will be the first to tell us that our current frenzied and competitive mode of compulsive parenting is not working and that something has to change. Obviously we need to get rid of this Motherhood Mania and zero in on what really matters for our kids. That's where I can help you, Dr. Borba adds. And why me? Who am I? I'm a mom with three kids, one of those parenting experts who's written twenty books you've never read. But also over the past two decades I've done hundreds of workshops in front of over a million parents, teachers, and counselors. After seeing all the stress and guilt brought on by the need to be this Sacrificial Mom over the years, I began to ask each group systematically the following question: "If you could give one piece of parenting advice that would help moms raise happy, confident, self-reliant kids, what would it be?" I collected over five thousand answers and discovered that many of them kept repeating themselves. The fascinating thing was that these parents' responses were almost identical to what child development researchers and clinicians have been telling us for years. These answers were a wonderful gift: the collective wisdom of hundreds of real moms about what matters most when it comes to raising good kids. Their answers have provided us all with twelve simple secrets that produce kids of solid character, caring hearts, and the strength to make it in our tough world today. The good news is that we can use these secrets to make our lives much simpler, easier, and more fun. The best news is that once we start using these simple secrets of real mothering, our children and our families are going to enjoy terrific benefits. (p. 48) I know you, just like me are ready to begin this journey. By now we all know that it is necessary, we are all ready for a change and we want out of this fast lane. All of our groundwork is done and tomorrow morning, we will finally see the 12 Simple Secrets Every Real Mom Knows. We will begin our study on the first secret Monday morning and will take one secret at a time, most likely one per week. I look forward to sharing these secrets with you, and I really feel that you will see that they have such depth to them, and have so many application tools to help us along the way. I just can't wait to begin. I would also ask you, if I may, to please be in prayer for my family. We were hit with some devastating news regarding our children's school which is also the same school that I went to and graduated from. This is a school like no other and is so much more than just a classroom and a gym and a football field to so many families. We have been competing with an improving public school system in our community and are losing more and more students to the free education down the road. It is obvious that in this economy we will struggle, but the board of directors is having to make some very tough choices regarding the school's future. Please keep us and our school in your prayers as we try to sort this out and seek the Lord's will for our kids' education. Thank you!! See you Friday morning!!