Monday, April 6, 2009

12 Simple Secrets Every Real Mom Knows - Chapter 1

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! Did you do some digging in your heart about how you want your kids to describe you? I know I definitely did, but wasn't that such a tough question? For me, as I told you last week, I was visualizing certain moms that I admire or that have made a difference in my life. But the hardest part, I think, is realizing that I could potentially NOT be remembered the way I want to be. I mean really, we only get one shot at this and then they are grown and we shall reap what we have sown. Good or bad. Then when you think that God has given these children to us and that it is our responsibility to "train a child in the way he should go" I really feel like I have so much to learn. I don't know about you, but I have been only seeing the "long term dividend" or the way that I thought it would all end up when my kids were grown, but the amount I am putting in and the consistency of my deposits just isn't going to get me what I so desperately want.
If you feel the same way, we have lots more to cover today that will help you. Hope you are ready for some more soul searching!! This week we will begin on Part One of the book, which is composed of 4 chapters and is entitled How Can a Real Mom Give Her Children Love that Lasts for Always...remember the Velveteen Rabbit?? We will work on a chapter each day and then on Friday we will learn the 12 Simple secrets and also create our Mother's Promise which we will work on over the course of the next few weeks as we learn how to implement these secrets in our simple secret at a time!! So let's get started!!
Chapter 1 is entitled From the Sacrificial Mom to the Child Who Can Thrive Without You and it begins with that oh, so difficult question..."Just how satisfied are you right now with your own parenting? Seriously."(p.20) YIKES!! So are you satisfied?? To help us decide she also asks,
Have you ever said to yourself, "I wish I knew how to be a mom who raises kids who have what it takes to be happy and successful. I feel like I am always spinning my wheels and knocking myself out trying to do so much for my kids. What really matters when it comes to being a good mom? What do my kids really need from me, and can I really make a
difference in their lives?" (p. 20)
To answer that question Dr. Borba tells us, YES!! You can and do make a difference in your children's lives. Every one of us does. But the reality is, as she puts it,...mothers have gone way overboard. Many of us have reached the point where we're tired and anxious but still trying to do more and more for our kids.(p.20) All of this super sacrificing is completely unnecessary and is causing more harm than good. Don't you agree? We just keep on doing and doing and giving and giving and going and going and we are literally at our breaking point and we just keep on...but WE ARE GIVING THE WRONG THING!!! What our kids really want from us is a LOVE THAT LASTS FOR ALWAYS.
Are You Ready to Make a Change
Dr. Borba explains that REAL mothering doesn't have to be as hard as the 2009 mom is making it, but we have to be willing to CHANGE! Then she gives these questions to help us realize that it's time to get out of the fast lane. How do these settle with you (you got that journal???)?
  • Do you feel guilt about not living up to your own image of the perfect mom? Do you second guess your mothering or think you're not doing a good enough job?
  • Do you worry about your child - about whether his workload/schedule is just too much?
  • At your parent-teacher conference, do you find yourself asking more about your kids' grades...than how he gets along?
  • Are you frequently stressed or exhausted or impatient with your family? Does the littlest, tiniest thing get under your skin? Are you quick to anger? Are you yelling more?
  • Are you on the coach's case complaining that your child isn't getting enough game time?
  • Has success become such a huge commodity in your family that your kids are afraid to let you down or disappoint you with a poor grade?
  • Do you worry that you kids seems really anxious or depressed?
  • Do you worry when your kids seems to have nothing to do, and feel as though you have to educate or entertain him every second of the day?
  • Do you always compare yourself frequently to other moms and worry that they're doing a better job than you are? (p. 21)

Okay, if you answered yes to ANY of the questions, it's time to make some changes!! YES TO ANY OF THEM I SAID...that was not a typo!! WHOA!! Which ones do you relate to?? Are you ready to change?? This book will help you. This was a hard test for me because it really showed me that I have gone overboard into Motherhood Mania land which is light years from where I want to be in June Cleaver land!!! I have all of my "yeses" in purple so that you can see where I struggle.

Back it up just a minute though, I mean really whatever happened to June? I could have so been June's next door neighbor. Me with my little white apron and my big blue Cadillac. SO ME!! You know that perfect kitchen with the warm cookies and a mail man that knows you! I could so be there. So what happened to that MOTHER?? Its what we all want isn't it?? Look how much mothering has changed just since our moms were raising kids?? Light years, huh??

That is what we will talk about tomorrow as we begin Chapter 2. Here is a teaser...

What Happened To Pat-A-Cake and Peek-A-Boo?

When Did Mothering Become a Billion-Dollar Profit Center?

How did We Get From June Cleaver to Motherhood Mania?

The Urge to Be Supermom

All that is tomorrow, so please reflect on what you have written in your journals and have some quiet time looking at being ready to make some simple choices that will help us to give a love to our children that will...last for always.

See you right back here in the morning and remember if you have a friend that you think will benefit...send her on our way!!

1 comment:

  1. This is all really go information. Thanks for sharing. I"ll have to start thinking and putting forth some effort to make the corrective changes. Thanks!!


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