Thursday, May 5, 2011

What I have been doing...

These last few months have been like a whirlwind to our family.  While trying to finish this year of school and making sure that we have mastered everything we need to for next year, I experienced on of the most painful situations of my life.  Very suddenly my grandmother, and one of my closest friends, passed away.  Sure, she was 81 years old, yes she had just had hip replacement surgery and we knew that she wasn't recovering super fast, okay she had lost all of her spunk....but just dying...not something that I ever gave a second thought to.  We talked every day.  We had lunch once a week.  My girls and her were working on their Presidential Dollar collections and had completed the state quarter collection earlier in the year.  She had her dress bought and ready to wear to my cousin's wedding in April.

But she didn't make it to her wedding.

She died 2 weeks before.

With the dress hanging in her closet and Avon on her kitchen table to be delivered.

My Maw Maw and I at my sisters wedding shower last summer.

So while you may be thinking this post is super depressing and thinking that you need to "x" out right now, I encourage you to hear me out.

Everyone has heard the old saying "We aren't guaranteed tomorrow."  I have said those exact words to my girls a million times.  But the truth is, we really aren't.  The prince of this world would like us to believe that we are going to be guaranteed tomorrow, but that is just because he lies to us and deceives us.  The reality is that when we live like we are guaranteed tomorrow we aren't living at all.  Instead we are just floating along on this planet taking up space.

Nothing matters really (we can do it tomorrow)

Nobody is important enough (we can call them tomorrow)

And we miss the whole point.  Things really do matter.  People really are important enough.  And the blessing I have received from that is that the Lord allowed my maw maw to be one of those people who was important enough to me.  One of those things that did matter to me.  She was my friend and so I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to go to lunch with her.

And so I have no regrets.

What a peace that is.

But what about others in my life???

Could I say the same???

I have learned to live like I am not guaranteed tomorrow because I AM NOT.  As cliched as that sounds, until you really have a grip on it, you just aren't living.

Which leads me to the second thing I have learned.

I better get up and get to living before its too late.  Because if we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, then tomorrow may be too late.

I have so many things DAILY that I convince myself can wait until tomorrow.  Well, if tomorrow is too late, how will those things get done.

After my maw maw's death I just sat {truly just sat} in a state of disbelief, shock, with a mild case of "checked out" syndrome.  It is like nothing was real.  I even called her at 11:00 the night before her funeral to "read to her the eulogy that I had been asked to give at her funeral." SERIOUSLY I DID!!!  Oh, how I wanted to talk to her and make sure it was okay with her.  She would have been such a huge help to me when I was trying to decide exactly what to say.  When her answering machine picked up something just clicked inside of me and I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE SAME!!

I cannot wait until tomorrow.

Tomorrow may not come.

So some things must change for me.

And here they are...

While blogging is fun and I have made some great friendships, I can't blog every day.  It is keeping me from living.  Instead of living, I am watching everyone else live.  Huh???

I love my kids and must start helping them build a life.  Learning to knit, reading good books, baking bread on their own, gardening.  These are all things that I love to do and that they love to do, but that we don't make enough time for.  Its much easier for me to leave them upstairs playing and go tend the garden or bake a loaf of bread.  But they need those memories with me. Because what if tomorrow doesn't come for me...or what if it doesn't come for them?

I must live what I believe, day in and day out, in season and out of season.  And by that I mean that my life must reflect Christ.  I must shine my light.  I must show myself approved because I want to hear "Well done good and faithful servant."  Even if I may hear it tomorrow.

Will I keep blogging? Absolutely.

Has my life changed forever?  You better believe it.

So that is what I have been doing over the last couple of months.  We are now beginning the process of going through her house and dividing up things that she wanted us to have.  It is not fun, but the smell of that house is just the best smell in the world and any chance I have to breathe in her sweet existence I will take!!

I love you all dearly, and hope that I haven't bored you to tears!!!


p.s. Do I think it is coincidental that I began reading Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts right before my grandmother's death?  Absolutely not a chance.  Because if the God that created this universe sees fit to wake me up this morning, isn't everything then from today a gift?  You better believe it is.

Its time to start living.


  1. Sweet friend, my deepest condolences to you & your family.

    As I read this, I could not help but think - It was not a coincident at all that we both endured very trying circumstances in the midst of Lent, after reading 1,000 Gifts. <3
    . . . I haven't finished it yet. I was on chapter 10 when my world began to rock, & honestly, my mind was trying so hard to process where we were I could hardly eat, breath, or sleep, much less read! It has been as if God was saving the last chapter for His timing.

    I lost my "maw maw" a few years ago. She was actually my mother-in-law/best friend & my kids "maw maw". Oh how my heart still misses her. I can totally empathize with you. My heart hurts for you, as I can completely relate to a loss that deep.

    Blogging . . . to blog or not to blog?!
    I've also thought a lot about it during Lent. I truly thought I would be up & ready to go the day after Lent, but the desire was not there at.all. I agree, I love my blog, I love looking back during times I'm discouraged & seeing what we've done & where we've gone. But the daily blogging not so much. During Lent, I did not completely quit reading other blogs, but I was very selective. I started with an empty reader - today my blog reader has almost 400 unread posts!! It has more than shown me how much wasted time went there.
    . . . Purging sister. Such a difficult, ugly necessity that brings true beauty.
    I will be praying for you!! Your post was a wonderful reminder & it is so refreshing to see what my heart often says, written out for me.
    Hugs your way!!

  2. Oh my gracious! I just found your blog and can so easily relate to it. I too am a mother, wife, daughter, grandaughter, and am also trying to walk closer to God. I also love the book (1000 gifts) and am SO VERY Close to my grandmother (Mimi). We talk daily and at 77, I know I have limited time with her.
    I am so glad to have found you!

  3. Thanks so much Tiffany!!!! I will continue to pray for your family!!! We are more and more alike every time one of us posts!!!!

  4. Hi Kristen, great to meet you!! Im so glad that you stopped by!!! Sounds like we have lots in common!!! Im glad that you are able to enjoy the time with your MiMi and that you will be able to live with a heart full of memories!! Grandmothers are so special!!!!!

  5. Wow! Just came across this post and I could've written it myself about my own grandma who passed away 4 years ago. Putting together a slide show for her memorial service it hit me how much she had LIVED. She didn't sit around and make excuses. If she wanted to paint the bricks on her fireplace she didn't wait around for her husband to do it or let perfectionist tendencies hold her back. She just did it! She didn't wait until her house was perfect to have friends over for dinner b/c real friends won't care if the wallpaper in your bathroom is 2 decades old. As painful as it was to lose her, I'm grateful to have received such a powerful lesson while my kids are still young.

  6. Wow, thank you so much for that comment!!! So true, huh!!?? I think that somehow along the way we have become so consumed with being perfect that we just aren't living any more!! Im so thankful to have had so many lessons taught to me by my wonderful grandmother as well!!! Thanks again for stopping by!!


I love comments and read every thanks so much for leaving me a little note!!

You may also like

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...